The Toughest Week

 

So I usually post on a Sunday and I had something all written out, but after I got the hubby to check it over (like I usually do) he said it seemed a bit more random than my usual stuff. I think the reason for that was because I normally write about what's happened to me that week and this one was different, so I've scrapped it for now and written about what's really been going on.

If you’ve read my blog from the start you’ll know that I lost my job at the beginning of lockdown, I believed I was unfairly dismissed and I’ve been dealing with the fallout from this since April last year. I had to to hire a solicitor, it went to ACAS (a kind of mediation service that you have to go through to try and resolve the issue) and then finally to tribunal, which I had over 2 days last week. It’s been a very tough 9+ months and I’ve documented some of my struggles on here, albeit without much detail. But the last few months and especially this last week have been the hardest. My anxiety and stress levels were at maximum, constant tightness in my chest and stomach, unable to eat properly and a tingling feeling up my forearms. I couldn't even manage to smile genuinely (see above photo). Unfortunately the judge wasn’t able to make a decision there and then, so I have to wait a couple of weeks to find out the ruling. 

While having the tribunal over with has been a huge relief and I feel a lot more relaxed, the stress and anxiety hasn’t gone. Don’t get me wrong it’s not on the same level as it has been over the last few weeks, but I still get the ‘pangs’ when I think about something to do with the tribunal, things I could have said or done differently, mulling over things that I could have done better. I know there’s nothing I can do about it now, but it’s the waiting again that’s the problem. 

I know things will ease over time and that I need to go a bit easier on myself. I was actually beating myself up the other evening as I really wanted to start organising things around the house (obviously hasn’t been my main focus for a while), but I just haven’t had the energy to do it. I think my body is telling me to just relax for a moment, then when I'm ready I can tackle the things I want to with more energy and focus. As my mum likes to tell me ‘why do today, when it can be put off until tomorrow’!

Thank you for putting up with my babbling, you don't realise how good it's been for me to get these things off my chest and out on here. I will get back to the styling, I promise!

Kat x